Faith

   Faith is important to me.  It's seen me through some turbulent times. I've never tried to explain it but it plays such a large part in who I am that I think it's time I tried. It's multi-faceted.  Here are three main areas that I live by:

• God.  My faith in God is bone deep.  It's also extremely personal and private.  I don't talk about my faith in God.  I don't talk to other people about their faith, whatever it may be.  I am secure in my relationship with Him and I look to him for everything.  When I feel lost.  When I feel scared.  When I'm anxious. When I'm angry.  And also when I'm happy and thankful.  I try hard to remember to always thank Him for the things He's given me.  I'm not always good about thanking Him in a timely manner, but I think I'm pretty good about giving thanks where thanks is due. I need to share this part of my life with my girls. I need to tell them about the magic that is a good relationship with Him.  They don't know the depth of my faith.  They look to me for direction and I've failed them in this area.  I need to figure out how to fix this. 

• Family.  I know they will always be there.  They, especially my father, have stood behind me through a lot.  They have watched me make mistake after mistake but they're still there.  My dad helped me buy my house so that I could provide a permanent place for my girls; so that we'd never have to move again because of a less than ideal renting/living situation.  Buying this house was the most important thing I've ever done for the three of us and I couldn't have made it happen without him.  I will be forever grateful for that.

• Life.  I have faith that there will never be anything that life can throw at me that I cannot handle.  Yes, I realize this ties in directly to my faith in God, but I still see it as it's own separate entity.  I'm not rich but I have faith that I will always at least scrape by.  I have a great job and I have faith that one day it will provide me with enough money to live comfortably without ever having to worry.  I have some health issues but I have faith that they will  always be manageable.  I have really good kids and I have faith that they've been raised well enough to follow a path to happiness and success in their adult lives.  

 I'm far from perfect.  I'm extremely independent.  Aside from my God, my family, and a couple of close friends I tend to hold people at arms length.  I have a history of choosing to trust the wrong people and because of that I do not trust easily.  One day I hope to restore my faith in people in general; that they are worthy of my trust until they give me a reason not to be rather than having to earn it over time.

I'm mostly happy with myself and where I am in life.  I do have some goals I'd like to reach by the time I'm 40.  I have faith that I will make them happen.